Medieval Lawn Care
As a fully repatriated Ousconsinite, one of my weekly summertime tasks is The Cutting of The Grass. For years, I've performed this chore with a variety of loud, smoke-belching, gas-powered machines bearing such distinguished names as Craftsman, Toro, and Lawn Boy. These monsters, revered for their ability to remove toes, dislocate shoulders, and flee the authorities, all have two problems that I abhor: they're loud, and they require gasoline to work properly.
The loudness presents an issue for one's hearing. If, like me, you spent a great deal of your youth standing approximately a foot away from a 100-watt guitar amplifier pumping through four 12" Celestion speakers, you'd appreciate the fact that a lawnmower engine is really loud in a way that's somewhat painful and not at all enjoyable. You can kill the noise with earplugs, but they're kinda uncomfortable, and if you wish to enjoy some music while you mow, you either need to crank your iPod to insane levels or go the Princess Leia route.
The other problem is gas. Now granted, even at four dollars per gallon - a measly 3 cents per fluid ounce - it's only going to cost me about 10 dollars to mow my lawn this year. But it doesn't feel right, environmentally speaking, and that gasoline could be put to much better use in a Jet Ski or an Abrams tank.
So, a couple weekends ago, we purchased a push reel mower. This old-timey gadget operates by sheer muscle power. You push it, the wheels go around, and the wheels turn gears which drive the blades. The blades, a whirling array of five or more finger-eating chunks of steel, will positively eat up the grass. That is, they'll eat it up provided it's not too long - i.e., 3 inches tall instead of 2 1/2 - and there are no sticks in your yard. A simple quarter-inch twig will usually stop that 18th-century landscaping cuisinart in its tracks.
That said, it is a pleasure to operate. It's easier to push than you might think, and your iPod doesn't need to be pushed to its limits, so you can enjoy Three Doors Down at a civilized volume whilst the mower bends four-inch blades of grass and your neighbors look on, mystified. Just make sure to clean the blades with WD-40 when you're finished, or you'll be pushing a giant hunk of iron oxide next weekend.