Body Language

A while back, I prattled on about how an aging human body produces ever-increasing amounts of hair in odd places - such as the ears and the nose.  Tonight, I found myself wondering why.  Why is it that as humans age, there is a general tendency to lose hair from the scalp area, and gain it in other areas?  Granted, balding is largely a male issue, resulting in shiny heads and/or comb-overs, but I've seen it occur in women as well.  The first time I saw my maternal grandmother without her wig was a ground-breaking, if disturbing, moment.  The woman's hair was thin.  Thin enough to render a fully-visible scalp.  It freaked me right the hell out.

But I digress.  The hair seems to migrate from the scalp to other regions, namely, the face, ears, and nose.  Why?  Shouldn't hair just universally stop growing everywhere?  Why must we spend our waning years trimming our noses and ears with a weed-whacker, while our domes reflect enough sunlight to power a small town?

Someone has a sense of humor, I think.

Here's another thing:  it seems to me that cold temperatures have an odd effect on us - particularly in males (again).   Take a look at your nipples (especially if you're a woman).  When it gets cold, what happens?  They become erect.  And yet, the same principle of body physics does not apply to a certain male organ that starts with "p" and ends with "enis".  George Costanza infamously got his undies in a bundle over the matter of male "shrinkage".

Jerry: Elaine, do women know about shrinkage?
Elaine: You mean like a sweater?
Jerry: No, like when a man goes swimming...and it's cold...
Elaine: Oh! It shrinks?
Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!
Elaine: Why does it shrink?
George: It just does!
Elaine: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

For those of you who do not currently possess a penis of your own, the preceding is absolutely true.  So, what gives?  Why do nipples get larger, but the trouser snake gets smaller?  I tell ya, between male-pattern-baldness and shrinkage, it's enough to drive a man to drink.