The Unbelievably Expensive Man

Remember the Six-Million-Dollar Man?  Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive.  Oscar Goldman and friends rebuilt him - better, stronger, faster - with some new bling including a bionic eye, leg, and arm - all for the low, low price of six million dollars.

Of course, that was thirty years ago, so inflation would have an impact.  No longer would six million dollars cover the cost of those miraculous appendages.  Are you kidding?  Six million dollars won't even get you a plastic leg these days.  I'm thinkin' it's gonna cost you no less than 250 million dollars to get hooked up.  Realistically, though, the government would only have to cover the co-pay, of course, but that's no big deal considering they'll dish out $600 for a toilet seat.

The bulk of the cost could be covered by corporate sponsorship, to boot.  Surely Nike would go in for the arm and leg, and you could maybe tap LensCrafters for the eyeball.  Of course, Colonel Austin might have to do a few commercials, but that might be fun to watch.  Picture this - he throws a football through a tire - from three miles away.   Cool stuff.

Right now, I could sure go for a bionic leg.  As it is, I'm going to have a little hardware in there - a plate and two screws.  It seems the bone shifted, and needs to be realigned or I'll fall off the earth or something.  Next Wednesday, they plan to install a little hardware which will surely be a great source of fun everytime I go through airport security for the rest of my life.  When I walk thru the metal detector, I'll make sure to make the bionic duh-duh-duh-duh-duh sound.