Pandemonium

What do pandas and broadband internet have in common?  Absolutely nothing, until a few of China's best and brightest recently wired the pandas into the internets.  Why?  Simple - because the pandas wanted access to amateur porn.  No!  Wait!  I mean, because now researchers can closely monitor the rapidly diminishing ranks of the Giant Panda without leaving the comfort and safety of their leaky bamboo huts.

This is Very Important because you never want to let those crazy pandas out of your sight.  No, seriously, the pandas need to be protected, and there's no better way to protect them than to give them access to a high-speed internet connection.  This way, the pandas can easily browse www.panda-safety.com, where they can learn important panda safety tips.  Don't laugh, because there are many dangers awaiting your average panda.  Among them; taxis, bengal tigers, Jack Daniels, overripe bamboo, government-issue bonds, and Charlton Heston.

All kidding aside, giant pandas are among the most endangered species in the world, and really need our help.  Mostly what they need, though, is to start humping like rabbits.  All the more reason to give them access to www.hot-panda-love.com.

This message brought to you by PETA, the World Wildlife Fund, and Hugh Hefner.