From the Lemon to the Lime, to the P to the C

I really don't mean to be politically-incorrect.  Truthfully, I don't give a hoot whether I'm PC or not.  I don't even mean to offend.  I'm truly not racist, bigoted, closed-minded, or intolerant.  I've just really taken a liking to recycling those crazy insults of my youth lately.

That's gay.  I'll use that to describe anything I don't like, be it traffic-jams, the high price of beer at sporting events, the utter lack of wins in the Packer's 2005 campaign, or the impossibly small amount of meat in my Cousin's™ sub.  I just don't use it to denigrate people of the homosexual persuasion.   Because, frankly, I don't really give a shit if you're a carpet-muncher or a fudge-packer.  Although I'll use those colorful euphemisms to describe them, I truly couldn't care less.  To each their own.  Whatever floats your proverbial boat.  I don't mean anything harmful to homosexuals when I say "Fucking red light!  That's gay!"  I'm really just very upset with the fact that I have to wait an extra ninety seconds, as crazy as that may sound.

Likewise, retarded.  The NBA is retarded.  Politics are retarded.  The fact that I have to wade through 60 damn pages of obscure, ambiguous, legal mumbo-jumbo to figure out how much I owe the federal government every April is completely retarded.  But people who are mentally compromised?  Well, hell.  They got a bum deal, and I feel bad for them, and, well, yeah, they're retarded, but not in a truly bad way.  Surely not like my 1040.  Hell, the IRS gives retarded people a bad name, as far as I'm concerned.

The truth is, I used these terms quite loosely as a young man, before I became aware of the perceived moral implications.  Then I passed through that gay, retarded period of my life where I thought I gave a shit about being politically correct, so I stopped using them.  Now I'm past that.  Everything is gay, and everything is retarded - including this post.  If you disagree, then you're gay AND retarded.  Unless, of course, you actually are gay or retarded, in which case - you're an intolerant tool.

[Editor's note: drinking beer before writing a rant is not a good idea.  In fact, it's retarded.]